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Dale Tickleman (40) - The host of Beautiful. White. Murdered. His life almost changed forever when he got a gig hosting Celebrity Ninja Warriors - but then he got fired for sending unwanted love letters to Aubrey O’Day. He hopes that BEAUTIFUL. WHITE. MURDERED will be his big comeback… even though it’s on the Lonely Women’s network. This is his last chance to become a household name.
Like all aspiring daytime talk show hosts, Dale’s core fears are being unlovable and failing professionally. It’s what drives every one of his insta posts, every contouring video, and every Fabletics unboxing video. It’s that fear you can catch in Ellen’s eyes right before the cameras turn off.
EXCLUSIVE:
DALE TICKLEMAN
EXCLUSIVE:
HOLLY MALONE
Holly Malone (37) - Holly is the producer of BWM. She’s a career woman, a nihilist and a very high functioning drug addict.
A career in true crime production has hardened Holly - she’s spent years selecting the most captivating crime scene photos of bloated corpses and listening to 9-1-1 calls on repeat, sometimes during dates.
Holly is so dedicated to the rat race of true crime that she basically has no personal life...until she meets Dale. She wants to like Dale but his delusions trigger her childhood wounds from being raised by Colonial Williamsburg reenactors plus she hates public displays of affection, which is Dale’s love language…. and private DA, really any form of affection disgusts her.
EXCLUSIVE:
SCOTT THE P.A.
Scott the P.A. (19) - Scott is just working on this show to try and get a foot in the door as a PA and build his resume.
Scott is too nice of a guy to be a good PA. He hates telling people where to stand and he lets people walk into shots. but his main asset is his sanity which allows him to find obvious clues the rest of the crew is too distracted to notice.
EXCLUSIVE:
SHERIFF JOHN BENNAY RAMSEY
Sheriff John Bennay Ramsey (40) - In the series, local Sheriff John Bennay Ramsey will attempt to solve the case but has no real skills to speak of and mostly just wants to pursue online friendships with all of the other main characters. He has three strikes at work for asking official witnesses to duet with him on Tik Tok.
By the end of season one, Sheriff Ramsey gets fired by the Port Sores Police department so he blackmails Holly into hiring him as her social media manager. Sheriff Ramsey thus becomes a permanent member of the crew. Which is great because he’s a huge fan of Show Biz, Tinseltown… well mostly just Zac Efron.
Nearly every true crime case that has gone viral in the last decade highlights the blatant incompetence of the police system - famously in the Central Park Five case and most recently in the Gaby Petito case. Sheriff Ramsey is our vehicle to poke fun at this system and to upend outdated police tropes.
EXCLUSIVE:
ROSARYFAITH MADISON
RosaryFaith Madison (16) - Constantly described as a “pillar of the community”, “lover of nature and animals”, “everybody’s best friend” … our Beautiful, White, Murder victim RosaryFaith exemplifies how - even in death - women can’t escape the virgin whore complex and the only dead girls who get a documentary made about them are the PERFECT virginal ones PLUS if she’s white, her family gets to tour the realm of American daytime television, thanks to missing white girl syndrome.
RosaryFaith’s mother still dresses her like a Toddlers & Tiaras pageant queen, but the found footage discovered by the BWM crew will reveal a much more sinister story.
RosaryFaith has the voice and drug habits of a 70 year-old smoker in a Wisconsin casino. Turns out the pageant crowd in Port Sores is run by a group of ginger-haired meth criminals and RosaryFaith was DEEP in the game. We will learn that RosaryFaith was actually trying to leave her life of crime behind and start anew ON BROADWAY! She was packing her bags to get going… when the unthinkable happened. Well, it’s not that unthinkable. She was murdered.
EXCLUSIVE:
SARALEE CAKE MADISON
SaraLee Cake Madison (50) - Excuse her! RosaryFaith’s momager is the kind of mom that would, and did, sit outside of Steve Harvey’s office every day trying to get her kids on Little Big Shots. RosaryFaith’s murder is the best thing that ever happened to SaraLee. She refuses to accept any negative information about her daughter and even when the crew shows her a video of RosaryFaith doing drugs, she says it’s doctored footage, ever heard of deep fakes?
We’ve seen stage moms all over the spectrum from Dee Dee Blanchard forcing Gypsy Rose to sing Angels Among us in a wheelchair for cash to LuLaRoe founder DeAnne Stidham paying for her salespeople to get gastric bypass in Tijuana. SaraLee Cake is giving them all a run for their money… like, literally - she’s suing them for copyright infringement.
EXCLUSIVE:
SKYLAR MADISON
Skylar Madison (25) - RosaryFaith’s brother. Hates his mom. He tries to go viral with a rap about his sister’s death called “Heaven (Where U At)”. While his mother SaraLee is constantly playing victim for the cameras, Skylar is quick to burst her bubble and call her on her bullshit. He’s basically the Season 1 Khloe to her Kris. When Skylar gets killed, we see that the murderer is closer than ever and the crew will... Shit themselves.
EXCLUSIVE:
PROFESSOR TOUCH
Professor Touch (30) - is RosaryFaith’s lover, pen pal and high school English teacher. He’s also a grown man who shops at Urban Outfitters.
Professor Touch’s character comments on the treatment of suspects like OJ and Bryan Laundrie -and how the cops were so enamored with being their bros, that they looked past obvious clues.
His legal first name is Professor, but he doesn't have a legitimate teaching degree. He just enjoys molding young minds and young bodies. He is an admitted pedophile, but he is ALSO a good keyboard player, a songwriter and a literary scholar to some.
EXCLUSIVE:
KATIE SWALLOWS
Katie Swallows (18) - “RosaryFaith’s best friend/enemy.” Most true crime documentaries about a beautiful white girl feature the victim’s remorseful best friend who JUST wants justice for her bestie. Katie is not great at fulfilling that role because she’s soooo bad at hiding how jealous she is of her dead best friend. Rosaryfaith won every pageant she entered and Katie can’t even get on Girls Gone Wild. She’s tried seventeen times but always gets cut.
EXCLUSIVE:
TODD
Todd (18) - RosaryFaith’s dangerous ex boyfriend. Todd was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth. He never fully grew up because everything has been handed to him but after his parents kicked him out for failing Yale, he started dealing drugs and dating high school girls hence his implication in RosaryFaith’s murder.
When we’re watching a true crime doc, we all know what to expect next when the phrase “she was dating someone new” is uttered. That means we’re about to meet a guy named Danny who smokes angel dust and used to torture cats as a kid and we’ll have our PRIMARY SUSPECT in a poor unsuspecting girl’s murder. Todd is our version of that character - the PERFECT red herring.
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